


Don't Leave Me.

by reidbyers



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 02:18:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidbyers/pseuds/reidbyers
Summary: You knew how dangerous Spencer’s job was, somehow you had remained positive that he was too smart to get into a seriously bad situation; that was until you get a phone call from his boss and suddenly everything came crashing down.





	Don't Leave Me.

Every time Spencer left for work, whether it was just after breakfast, the dead of night or in the middle of a romantic dinner; you made sure every time to kiss him goodbye. If you didn’t it felt wrong, what had started as a loving gesture had developed almost into a good luck charm, you worried that if you didn’t kiss him goodbye it would for sure be the last time you saw him.

You were supportive of Spencer’s job, he was extremely passionate about it and it did make you happy seeing all the lives he helped, however you were haunted by the thought of something bad happening to him. There were people out there in the world who would want nothing more than to take someone so good like him out of the world and it kept you up at night. The days he was gone on cases you lay awake, reminding yourself he was going to be okay.

This was a particularly nasty case, someone was murdering young men and cannibalising them. From the way the murders were committed and how whatever was left of their bodies were left out like trash, they had decided the unsub was a physically fit man in his late thirties with a hatred for something his victims shared. The details became too gruesome and you asked Spencer to stop updating you on how the case was doing, instead you told him to focus on catching the guy and getting back home.

Your work was far more family friendly, you worked as a university tutor and on your free days you spent your time drowning in all the papers you had to mark. Hours at a time were spent cuddled up at Spencer’s desk, even though he wasn’t home you felt comforted by the surroundings.

A buzzing disrupted you from the daydream you had found yourself in, rummaging around through all of the papers you eventually found your phone. Hotch was calling, Spencer had made sure everyone on the team had your number in case of emergencies and the same for you, he had never called before and that just worried you.

“Hello?” There was clear hesitation in your voice, you knew something had happened if the unit chief of the BAU was calling you, someone who wasn’t involved with the FBI whatsoever; your boyfriend being the only connection you had.

“(Y/N)? This is Aaron Hotchner, Spencer told me to call you if something ever happened to him whilst working and…” He must have only paused for a second or two but it felt like a lifetime, all the possibilities of what could have happened to Spencer ran through your mind, you had heard hundreds of stories about the ways people were murdered or tortured, left for dead or left with enough psychological damage to make them wish they were dead. “Spencer went to meet our suspect Jonathan Walsh face to face without permission and we haven’t been able to track him down. He left clear instructions that if he was to get into trouble like this, you were to come down to our headquarters and not be alone, agent Jareau is driving to your home to then bring you here.”

You tried to listen to what Hotch was saying but the shock was too much and you found yourself stuck thinking over and over again about what would happen to Spencer if he didn’t get out. A cold chill ran down your body, it was then you realised that you were starting to have a panic attack. You knew the symptoms all too well, the familiar tremors and loss of breath, it didn’t make it any less terrifying.

“Can- Can you talk to me please?” You managed to gasp out, your throat felt like it would close up at anytime and you just needed to hear someone’s voice to ground you, to stop the panic attack from getting to a point where you were unconsolable.

“Of course, try and focus. What are were you doing before I called you?” Hotch’s voice was calm and you allowed yourself to focus on it, you looked down at all the papers in front of you and nodded after recalling the tests you were marking.

“Working. I was marking tests for work.” You replied but you could feel your chest getting tighter as you looked around the room at all of Spencer’s belongings. His mountains of books, gorgeous stationery, old case files, it was hard to not think about the kind of danger he could be in when you were surrounded by everything quintessential Spencer Reid. “I can’t breathe.” The crack in your voice was noticeable, your eyes brimmed with tears as they fell on a photograph of you two together; it was an old selfie you had printed off and framed, there was nothing particularly significant about the night the photo was taken but you loved it nonetheless.

“(Y/N) just focus on the sound of my voice, Jennifer is almost at your apartment. Do you have anything you need to bring with you?” You tried to wrack your brain despite it just wanting to fall into an utter state of panic.

“No, no I think I’m alright. I need you to tell me Spencer is going to be okay.” A knock at the door made you almost jump out of your seat, you stood up from the chair and shakily walked over to the front door, the silence on the other line only worsened how you felt.

“Garcia is working as hard as she can to track down where he went, he will find him.” The way in which he worked around your request did not go unnoticed, you opened the door with some struggle due to the feeling of faintness that had overcome you since you stood up. JJ stood on the other side of the door, she had a worried look on her face which she tried to mask with a brave one. She smiled sadly at you, scooting past you to go get your coat and shoes - things you hadn’t noticed you’d forgotten to put on. “I’ll see you once you arrive, you’ll be okay.” With that, Hotch hung up.

You didn’t know how everyone around you could be so calm, JJ was Spencer’s best friend and yet she helped you slip on your shoes and coat and helped you down the stairs without a flash of panic coming over her.

“He’s going to be okay. Spence can talk himself out of any situation, he’s good like that.” JJ eventually spoke up around ten minutes into the car ride, her mind had clearly been else where and you didn’t blame her. Every thirty seconds or so you had to readjust yourself in the seat as breathing was no longer an easy task and your chest was trying to stop you from inhaling and exhaling. There was not a lot you could do apart from nod and focus on not passing out, you knew the panic attack would only get worse and the only way to combat it was to put all your energy into trying to feel okay.

Once you arrived, JJ escorted you upstairs where the rest of the team were. It should have made you feel better being surrounded by people who cared about Spencer just as much as you did and were working hard to get him back but all their worried eyes on you just made you feel even more anxious.

“Do you need anything? Something to drink?” You shook your head at JJ’s questions, question, your eyes scanned the room before eventually falling on Spencer’s desk. Everyone watched as you slowly made your way over to the empty desk, you didn’t move anything as you knew that the mess of books and paperwork made perfect sense to Spencer so instead you just glanced over it all.

You had been so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice that Emily was trying to speak to you, only being pulled out of your own head when her hands came and rested on your arms and turned you around to face her.

“(Y/N), we think that Penelope has tracked down the location of Spencer, we’re going there right now but you’re going to stay here, okay?” Emily’s voice was gentle, it sounded like she was babying you but you were too busy obsessing over her words. They’d found Spencer, they were going to find him and he was going to be okay, you couldn’t humour the idea that the last part might not be true because if you did for even a second you would break down.

You nodded your head and she gave you a small smile, wrapping her arm around you as she lead you towards Garcia’s office, the rest of the team rushing into the elevators.

Garcia’s office was bright and colourful, far too much for faint state you were in but you didn’t have the guts to tell either of them that. Emily sat you down and told Garcia something you couldn’t hear before leaving the two of you alone.

“Do you want some tea? I have some Chamomile which will help you relax, no doubt you’ve been worried sick.” Garcia stood up to get you a drink but was distracted by the way you leant your head between your legs. “Are you okay? What can I do to help?” She exclaimed and sat back down in her seat, scooting on the wheeled chair until she was opposite you.

“Tell me he’s going to be okay.” You tried to remember all the things your therapist had told you, the different breathing exercises and coping mechanisms but it was growing more and more difficult. Now that you’d had one panic attack they were going to grow.

“Of course he’s going to be okay, that boy wonder brain must have known that it was doing, he wouldn’t just put himself in danger like that.” Garcia petted her fingers through your hair and you tried to focus on that feeling, the steady rhythm gave you something to think about instead of obsessing over how bad you were feeling.

You weren’t sure how long you sat like that but eventually the phone rang and made you both jump. Like a fifth sense you knew the call was about Spencer, you didn’t know how but you just had a feeling deep in your stomach. You watched as Garcia slowly leant back from you and clicked the button to answer the phone, before she could speak JJ was already speaking.

“Spencer called in, he’s okay. He hasn’t told us why he went in alone but Jonathan Walsh is dead, we’re on the way to pick him up and take his son to the hospital.” Your stomach tensed up at the thoughts of what that sick man did to his son, you almost felt guilty feeling relieved that Spencer was okay when this other boy’s life was ruined.

“Oh my god.” The overwhelming sense of relief forced you to sob, breaths coming out fast and rapidly. Your head fell back into your lap, tears beginning to spill down your cheeks. Spencer was okay, he was coming to come home and you would get to kiss him once again. There were so many emotions running through you at the same time, you were incredibly relieved that he wasn’t hurt but also angry at him for even putting himself in the situation, he was smart enough to know better.

“I’m going to hug you if that’s okay.” Garcia said while already in the motions of wrapping her arms around you, her hold was tight and warm and despite still being in that awful state of panic you hugged her back.

“Thank you.” You mumbled into the material of her dress, she just smiled and pressed a kiss against your cheek before leaning back, her eyes were glazed over too.

“Come on, let’s get you that tea.” Garcia stood up and offered you her hand, you took it gratefully and let her lead you out of the room since you still were shaky. You understood why Spencer had told Hotch to bring you here if anything was to go wrong, by default they cared about you because Spencer cared and that was a nice feeling.

An hour and a half later, you were sat at Derek’s desk with a lukewarm cup of tea you kept taking tiny sips of, every time someone was to walk through the glass doors your head would pop up in case it was Spencer, leaving you with a sad expression every time it wasn’t him. Eventually you heard the elevator doors close and when you looked up, you were met with a pair of warm brown eyes looking at you.

You had never moved faster in your life, quickly putting the mug down and rushing through the glass doors. The rest of the team smiled as Spencer accepted you into his embrace, all walking back to their desks and office so you could have your privacy. Spencer’s shirt was splattered with blood you knew wasn’t his own, his face had been scrubbed clean but you could still see the staining from where blood had hit him.

“Don’t ever do that again.” You tried to sound angry because you were angry, furious that he would put himself in a situation like that when he had so many people who cared about him - but you couldn’t, you were too happy to see him. “Don’t ever leave me again.” Your voice broke as you started to cry again, no matter how angry you were you loved Spencer and had never been so happy to see someone in your whole life.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer whispered, his hands coming up to cup your face and wipe away your tears. He cradled you close to him, pressing a kiss on your forehead, cheeks, nose, anywhere but your lips. His kisses were soft and you felt like you were drowning in them in the best way, you wanted nothing more than to feel him in all his beautiful alive glory. “I’m so sorry, I love you.”

Spencer knew what him disappearing must have done to you, he knew about your panic attacks and he knew about how worried you got and yet he went, that was what he regretted most. Sure, he was going to get in major amounts of trouble and everyone would hate him for a while for inflicting that panic between everyone but hurting you was worse than any of that.

He stood there holding you until your hold on him loosened, it was then that he leant down and kissed you on the lips, your hands coming up to his face to pull him even closer. Your kisses were almost always sweet, tender things but this was filled with desperation, the need to be close. Right now he was like oxygen, the thought of losing him had clouded your mind and now you needed reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Right then, you were both alive and together and that was all that mattered, maybe one day something would get him but the world was going to have to try a lot harder if they wanted to tear you apart.

 


End file.
